We know, breakups are hard for everyone.
But they can be especially hard for queer people, who often spend their formative years in the closet while their cisgender, heterosexual counterparts are experiencing the ups and downs of being in relationships, with the benefit of seeing themselves represented in mainstream media. So when queer people find love, they want to hold onto it.
Whether you did the breaking up or you got broken up with, there are a lot of emotions and feelings flying around that can be hard to deal with. And no matter how much advice people give you, sometimes you just have to find what works for you.
We’ve put together 10 things you can try to help you over the heartbreak.
Don’t be afraid to cry
Crying is normal, so it’s important to remember that if you want to cry, then cry. Crying is a healthy way to deal with your emotions, as well as being a natural way to relive stress in the body. Let it all out.
Talk about your feelings
Talk, talk, talk and talk. After a breakup your mind can be all over the place and you find yourself going over little details in your head trying to process them, but somehow, this can make you more confused than ever. Whether its friends or family, find someone to talk to. Explain everything, go over every detail, and get them to just listen. Its amazing how much clearer everything can be once you’ve opened up and explained it all. Once you understand it in your own mind, it is a lot easier to process and deal with.
Make a list of what didn’t work in the relationship
This one doesn’t work for everyone, however it can help you process your feelings. Get an old school pen and paper and make a list of all the things you didn’t like about the relationship. Identifying these can help you focus on the reasons why the relationship broke down, making it harder for you to miss the good times, and therefore easier to get over.
Go to the gym or exercise
We all know that exercise has physical benefits, but it also has a lot of mental benefits. When you exercise your body releases endorphins, these endorphins trigger a positive feeling, meaning after exercise you are much more likely to feel happier. Exercise is also proven to relieve stress, help you to sleep better and increase your overall mood. You could go to the gym, go swimming, or just run/walk around the park.
Find a new hobby or go back to an old one
It’s all about filling your time. After a breakup you’re inevitably going to have more spare time on your hands, so find something to do instead of being with that person. Now is a perfect time to try something new or get back into something you used to do. Check out things like art classes, joining a local sports league or learning a new language. Plus you never know where it may lead or who you might meet.
Go on a night out
If a night out is your thing, get your friends together and just enjoy yourself. Forget about worries and stress, have a drink (or not, it’s up to you) and get dancing. It’s a great way to take your mind off things.
The old saying of ‘to get over someone you have to get under someone’
Questionable, we know, and it certainly doesn’t work for everyone, so have a think about whether its something you can realistically see yourself doing. However for some people it’s the best distraction going. Grab the bull by the horns and move on.
Rekindle old friendships
We all have at least one friend who we’ve lost contact with for one reason or another. What better time than after a breakup to drop them a message and say hello. Organise a meet up with them and make the effort. What have you got to lose?
Make a list of future goals and how you will achieve them
Having something to focus yourself on after a breakup is really important. It provides a distraction but also an outlet for your thoughts and helps to fill your spare time. Write down all of your dreams and goals, then think and plan realistic ways you can achieve these.
Most importantly: Keep busy
Although this seems like such a simple piece of advice, it’s possibly the most important of all. The fact of the matter is, the busier you are, the less your mind will be thinking about that person who was once so special to you. It’s important to process your feelings – certainly don’t bottle them up or ignore them – but once you’ve done that it’s time to move on.