“There was one morning I woke up and for the first time in my life I actually felt nothing.”
Antoni Porowski has opened up about his ongoing battle with addiction and depression.
For the latest edition of Joseph Shepherd’s Exposed series, the Queer Eye star discussed a number of topics to promote his debut cookbook Antoni In the Kitchen, which was released earlier this week (9 September).
On the turning point of his struggles with his mental health, Antoni said: “I have an addictive personality and sometimes that manifests itself in a good way and sometimes not in such a good way. My 20s were nuts.”
He said he understood depression and mental health a lot better in his 20s after he woke up one morning. For the first time in his life, he “felt nothing” and “flatlined”, which he said was the most terrifying moment in his life.
“I decided to reach out to someone who sort of went through a similar thing,” he continued. “Because I knew it was something I was going to be ready for eventually, but I didn’t know to what capacity or how I wanted to go about it.
“I had a really honest conversation with her and she helped me. I made a decision and I made a choice that day, and it’s something that’s ongoing; it’s not like something that goes away and now I’m cured.”
Antoni first opened up about his struggles on an episode of Queer Eye. He didn’t plan to discuss it on the show, but said it was “tricky” and would’ve been “hypocritical” because the series is about being vulnerable and connecting with people.
“For me, I used God in a spiritual sense and I swear whatever that sort of higher power is was saying, ‘Okay, now it’s time to talk about this.” So if I didn’t share my story I would’ve felt pretty shitty afterwards,” he added.
Antoni also discussed his newfound friendship with Taylor Swift (he appeared in her video for You Need to Calm Down), how he dealt with criticism over his cooking abilities on Queer Eye, and whether he considers himself a sex symbol.
Watch Antoni Porowski’s full interview with Joseph Shepherd on Exposed below.