One whole month. You should be knighted by the queen.

You haven’t consumed liquid courage in one month. A portrait of you should replace the Mona Lisa in The Louvre and be called ‘Jesus’, because really, there’s no other option after the feat of self restraint you just exercised.

Now to celebrate the fact that your organs are all back in working order, here’s 3 cocktails to fuck everything up again, because life’s better when you’re drunk.


Boy do we love gin, and just like every other homosexual on the earth, you probably do too. Why we decided to give it up for a whole month we will never know – I mean, would you leave your baby for a month unattended? No, you wouldn’t.

Here’s the recipe for a bramble (gin based fruity heaven in a glass):

40ml gin
20ml sugar syrup
20ml lemon juice
10ml crème de mure
Berries to garnish

Shake your lemon, sugar syrup and gin together and pour over some crushed ice. Drizzle the crème de mure over to taste and then garnish with berries, done.

The relationship we have with Vodka is not unlike the one between Karen Walker and Vodka, strong. Here’s the recipe for an appletini, because you’re butch af:

50ml of Vodka
50ml cloudy apple juice
1tsp lemon juice
1tsp maple syrup

Shake the ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice until cold and then strain into a martini glass and garnish with a slice of apple.

Never have we had more in common with Captain Jack Sparrow (not a sentence we thought we’d be writing any time soon), but rum is life and so are daquiris, strawberry ones to be precise:

5 Strawberries
2tsp white sugar
35ml white rum
1tbsp strawberry liqueur
25ml lime juice

Put the strawberries, sugar, rum, liqueur and lime juice into a shaker and muddle. Place the lid on the shaker and shake well. Strain into a glass and garnish with a strawberry.