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Relationships: How many of us are friend-zoning our future?

Gay Times

2017… Everything’s bigger, better, shiny and more complicated. But that unfortunately means the same for our love lives.

With the landscape of dating and relationships constantly changing, that doesn’t always mean we process those changes and adapt as quickly. Dating is becoming an ever growing epidemic within the gay community. So many feeling lost and unable to find someone to settle down with.

Pressures from society, fairytale notions and infatuations, our thoughts alone can make relationships so much more complicated. Then you factor in external influences and pressures, dictating who we should match with and what happy looks like.

Back in the day it was all about swooning your high school sweetheart… Now it’s all about grabbing a cheeky Nando’s, Netflix and chill, clubs, dating apps and an ever growing perfection driven mentality, with so many people convinced something better will always come along.

Tom Knight

Related: Why do so many gay men struggle to find the relationship they crave so much?

But ask yourself this, how many of us have let the possibly of a relationship slip, just because we think we can do better?

Saying to ourselves “he’s not my type”, ignoring the fact they might have stuck around when no one else was interested, seen through the wall you’ve put up, or that fake smile you show the world. Dismissing guys who actually treat you well or because it’s too easy.

Like most things dating has become a sport, trying to find a partner is like the hunger dating games. We’re unconsciously looking for someone to keep us on our toes and keep us guessing. Ignoring the guys we actually deserve and going for the complete opposite.

We claim to be looking for a good guy, but when we meet one we look for excuses, floors that aren’t there. Or maybe this time it’s just not a good moment, you’re in the middle of some stuff etc etc *insert rotating excuse here*.

What if we’re friend-zoning all the good guys?

Some seem to like the attention, like the idea, but when something comes along that might just work… We self sabotage. We place all of these guys in the friend-zone for whatever reason, only to be left back at stage one because that charmer you decided to take a chance on was just that, a charmer. He’s already on to his next crusade.

There’s been a lot of posts centred around ‘gay culture’ on social media recently… Take a moment and think about whether or not part of gay culture is not seeing what’s directly in front of your face. Not seeing the potential in a guy because you didn’t have to chase him down and play games.

Related: Is loneliness the gay man’s curse, or a product of 21st century life?

The saddest part of this is we’ve all been that guy, we’ve all been rejected because the other guy is “not ready” or “not dating”… And then days later you see them talking about yet another failed date that went wrong.

Of course, it’s not all this simple. Attraction is complicated. But one thing’s for sure, happiness doesn’t just turn up in the form of a tall, dark and handsome man. It comes in all shapes and sizes, from all walks of life.

So the next time you’re thinking about finding some actual romance, look out for the guy who pays attention, puts the effort in and tries to make you smile. Sometimes all you need to do is give people a chance.

Remember… The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

To the guys who constantly end up friend-zoned – Don’t change and don’t give up. One day you’ll meet someone who appreciates you for who you are. Don’t settle for someone who sees you as the easy option. You deserve so much more than that.

To those who don’t give these guys a chance – One day you’re going to get tired of dating the same old game players, look around and realise you might have just let a chance of happiness walk away. We’ve all done it. It’s never too late to play a part in finding some real happiness.

Follow Tom on Twitter – @TJ_Knight

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