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Dear gay men: If you’re looking for a long term relationship, stop looking for a six pack

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We’ve all been there, ready to meet someone but the only thing you’re hitting is a brick wall. But how much of that is down to the way we look for love?

The truth is our happiness is in our own hands. There are plenty of people out there looking for exactly the same thing: romance. But why are so many people looking and not loving? Because some of us have forgotten how to date in this mad 21st century world.

We need to stop looking for a man with the perfect job, money or power. The reason relationships lasted so much longer before us is people actually looked at character, personality and who they were as a person before anything else.

If you’re looking for something more, you need to give more.

I’m so tired of gay men saying ‘there are no good guys out there’… If you can’t find one, be one.

The moral of the story is try not to be so shallow when it’s actually stopping you from getting what you want. I know shallow is an ugly word, but we can all do it – I do it. True love isn’t going to check every box. If you have a never-ending list of who they should be, it’s never going to happen.

As a community we’ve bought into this culture of perfection. Except there’s no such thing. So when we transfer that over into friendships, dating, relationships and sex, of course we can be disappointed.

You’re never going to get that relationship from the film you love so much. You’ll never have the lifestyle from that reality show you obsess over, and chances are your sex life won’t resemble one of a porn star.

Why? Because it’s a false hope. You may get close, but focus on creating a life that’s perfect to you. Not what someone has written to make money, a fantasy about something that will probably never happen.

© Guillaume Paumier via Flickr

Waiting for a six foot model to walk through the door and sweep you off your feet isn’t just unrealistic, it’s delusional. Choose your own Prince Charming, not one chosen for you.

There is more to life than a pretty face or nice body. Look for someone who inspires you, someone who makes you a better person. Of course there has to be a spark, but that needs to be mental as well as physical.

It’s not about lowering your standards or settling. It’s about playing a part in your own happiness. If you set your hopes on something you’re never going to get, or something that doesn’t even exist, you’re just going to be constantly disappointed.

I’m not saying you won’t get your happy ever after, but lusting after one often created to sell you something or make you go to sleep as a kid? That’s not healthy.

True happiness is deciding for ourselves what we want to be perfect, what we have materialistically and emotionally and deciding that’s enough… Now that’s a real happy ever after.

Follow Tom on Twitter – @TJ_Knight

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