It was not what I’d expected from the Prowler model and naked selfie legend Austin Armacost. After all, he’s the super sexy sex symbol who rose to fame as Marc Jacobs’ American toy boy and got gay Celebrity Big Brother fans hot under the Aussiebums by flirting in the bath with his straight mate, James thingy off the Apprentice.
Austin and I were sitting on a hotel bed in a large, faceless hotel next to the famous Elstree television studios, chatting about Grindr and love and sex, when he came out with it: “I am probably in all honesty one of the least sexual people you will ever meet. As much as I love to get my kit off and show my ass and have my bum everywhere…I am a nun in bed.”
Was he saying it for effect? Methinks the gayboy doth protest too much. No, he was deadly serious. Admittedly, he did later ask, “what does asexual mean?” But when I explained, he didn’t change his story. Eyebrows raised, he replied earnestly, “I’m on the verge of being asexual.” Scrolling through his Grindr app (he was single at the time) he added “I don’t do that no strings attached, I don’t do that come, dump your load, kind of thing”.
I admit it was a surprise. I’d seen him naked on transparent chairs, abusing innocent sofas, swinging off chains and squatting in front of seemingly endless hungry camera lenses. Austin has been rimmed by DSLRs so much he might as well marry Canon.
I’d imagined the 30-year-old was regularly on the verge of various men but never asexuality. We carried on chatting but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Why? Because in a funny way I envied him, and his apparent honesty about his lack of sex drive was weirdly beguiling.
I think the idea of a super-hot guy being interested in personalities more than penises appealed to me, considering this was only a matter of weeks after finding out my own true love had cheated on me using the Grindr app. Maybe I needed an asexual guy for my next boyfriend? And then a new thought came into my head. “No, because I’d cheat on him.”
For me, sex or some kind of ‘sex’ is an important part of my life. It seems to be the major obsession for the vast majority of people around me.
Wouldn’t it be impossible to stay true to a man who didn’t enjoy sex?
As life often has it, I didn’t have to wait long for the answer. It heard me pondering the thought on Oxford Street and the District Line and in the queue for a gay club and, eventually, it found me, blown in on the first frosty night in December. He was beautiful, with tousled hair and eyes flecked with green. A cute, impish smile. I fell for him immediately. We kissed and then dated. But there was something behind it all. He had been in love with an asexual man.
In fact, I now believe he is still in love with an asexual man. He just wanted to be touched and kissed. He wanted sex and he didn’t want to cheat. Perhaps sleeping with me was cheating. Perhaps not. Either way, I’d understand. I was hurt to be ditched of course but I felt sorry for this guy, trapped as he was by his own sex drive and his feelings.
No, dating an asexual guy would not work for me. Even a guy as sexy and sensitive as Austin. Not that Austin was available and offering, you understand. But we can all debate whether or not we’d want to date our friends, can’t we?
So much is said about the difficulties faced by the trans, gay and bi communities because of their sexual preferences. Perhaps we need to talk too about what it’s like for those who have no sexual preferences at all. And for those who fall in love with them
Sex or no sex I left the hotel room liking Austin a lot and respecting his honesty. I wish him all the luck in the world in Celebrity Big Brother and I look forward to seeing him on the other side.