Little Miss Jocelyn
Little Miss Jocelyn - comedian and twister of reality
Thou shalt frequent Balans restaurant betwixt the hour of four and six, to sup from the cup of happy hour.
Thou shalt be loyal to our High Lordess Tyra Banks and always watch Americas’ Next Top Model.
Honour thy wardrobe with garms from Top Shop, which indeed is the shop deign to be top.
Thou shalt always practice the art of dramatic facial expression in front of the mirror, before having an argument with a lover, thereby winning the fight which will conclude with much good and vicious love making.
Two days before the Sabbath, thou shalt go to the sacred country that is Kings Cross and dance the filthy dance that does live in the land of FICTION, where ye be surrounded by much men who shall confuse ye with thy sexuality.
Whether ye be of man or woman origin, thou must always cake thyself in make up, so that there be no difference between man, woman, or drag queen and we shall live happy there after.
On the sixth day of every week, worship thy high priestess with joyous shouts of “All Hail Beyonce, High Priestess of the booty!” (if ye have sinned, then an additional booty shake may be required).
thou must always travel with a cap on train journeys for the sacred vomit to be dispelled into after dancing with the devil called Absynthe.
Ye have been told that the beast shall bear the mark 666, but I tell ye now the mark of the beast holds the numerical value of the letters J.O.C.E.L.Y.N and she will eat ye whole.
Of all the commandments, this final one be most important: GET YOUR FUCKING ARSE OUT THERE AND BUY MY FUCKING DVD!!!