Celebrity Lawmakers

Josh Kilmer Purcell

Today’s Deity of the Month is autobiographer and goldfish-filled bra-wearer Josh Kilmer Purcell. We praise thee

01 Assimilation is a slippery slope. Wear heels.

02 Never wear an accessory more sparkly than your brain.

03 Find the beauty in every penis.

04 Explain to everyone that if procreation is evolution, then your homosexuality means you’ve been perfected.

05 Honour thy lesbians. You never think you need them till you do.

06 When breaking up, never mistake vengeance for justice.

07 Enjoy every vodka as if it were your last. One day it just might have to be.

08 If you think you’re settling for someone, it’s usually the exact opposite.

09 At least once in your life wake up somewhere you don't remember lying down.

10 Every long-term relationship is 99% truths and 1% lie. Make sure the lie doesn’t have crabs.

Josh Kilmer Purcell is the author of I Am Not Myself These Days, published by Corgi, £6.99