Jonny Woo, demented cabaret artiste and undisputed Queen of Hoxton.
Thou shalt not pull off a drag queens wig or put lollypops in her hair even if her look is fiercer than yours.
Thou shalt always share your poppers on the dance floor.
Thou shalt not fall asleep on a telephone chat line and then blame the extortionate telephone bill on your flat mate.
Thou shalt not commit suicide on Tuesday. Believe me you'll feel better tomorrow, you're only coming down after the weekend.
Thou shalt not wear cheap perfume to the gentleman's sauna especially if you are planning on using the jacuzzi.
Thou shalt not talk about the gym. Never. Ever.
Thou shalt nominate Jonny Woo for a 60 Minute Makeover at once. He really needs a new kitchen and bathroom.
Thou shalt not pass up the opportunity to get pissed for free.
Thou shalt not ask for my number, call me up, go on a date, sleep with me, hold hands in public, meet my parents and then sleep with my best friend, you F*#!ING C#?T.
Thou shalt always make the first move. I'm shy.