Celebrity Lawmakers

Coco Peru

This month, our deity is New York and Hollywood drag legend Coco Peru, whose CV includes guest appearances in the 1999 independent film Trick, starring Tori Spelling, TV show Will & Grace, and the voice of "Mama Hippo" in the 2006 animated Disney feature The Wild.

01 Thou shalt spread the word of Coco Peru throughout the land and rejoice in my arrival.

02 Thou shalt not put on airs to try and impress me, perpetuating the myth that the British are polite, proper and posh. I just spent three months in southern Spain, and the British were just as loud, drunk, and obnoxious as us Americans.

03 Thou shalt come to see my show at the Soho Theatre and tell me that I look much younger in person than in my films. Lying to boost Coco’s ego is not a sin.

04 Thou shalt not make fun of me for wearing sensible shoes. After all, I’m a cripple, both physically and emotionally.

05 Thou shalt invite me to Balans for lunch… often. Hey, the dollar is weak and a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do to eat!

06 Thou shalt visit my website at www.misscocoperu.com and send me lengthy love letters… or just nude pics of yourself… or anybody.

07 Thou shalt not tempt me with baskets of sweets and chocolates from Harrods. Give me the cash instead.

08 Thou shalt not mention the name “Tori Spelling” around me.

09 Thou shalt not turn on any fluorescent lighting near and/ or around me for, as my mother, Helen, would say, “Oh dear, that’s just not pretty”.

10 And finally, thou shalt not take my name in vain, except when saying something like, “I fucking love that fucking Coco!”