Push the Button goes Eurovision
Hello Europe! This is Vauxhall calling...
More from Eurovision
As massive pop fans, we, Vauxhall gay night organisers Push The Button, are thrilled to be jetting off to Eurovision in Malmö to report for GT. In the interests of fairness we are declaring where our votes are going as well as predicting where we think they’ll actually finish in the competition. We’re pretty sure the rest of Europe hangs on the judgements of two Billie Piper fans stranded in SW9. Let’s begin…
6 points from Push the Button go to…
Marry Me - Krista Siegfrids
Plucked straight out of Legally Blonde: The Musical this track is nothing more than fluff and tinsel which is, of course, why we LOVE it.
Krista looks like THE FUNNEST PERSON IN THE WORLD – you know, the kind of person who’s so much fun that you have to observe that fun FROM A SAFE DISTANCE. She’s certainly the most terrifying Finnish entrant since Lordi.
If (and it’s a big ‘if’) this makes it out of the semi-finals expect this manically happy bundle of pure joy to perform in a wedding dress - so make sure you vote for her next Thursday!
Push The Button predicts: *If* it makes the final, well… it’ll finish bottom 3. But it’s already won a place in our hearts.
PTB's 7 points go to…
Believe in Me - Bonnie Tyler
In normal circumstances we’re not allowed to vote for our own entry but seeing as we’ll be in Sweden next Saturday we are TOTALLY racking up those International Roaming charges in honour of Skewen’s finest!
Believe In Me is, importantly, a jury vote winner and with a good performance for the televoters this represents our best chance of a respectable placing for 4 years. And if Bonnie does equal Jade Ewen’s 2009 feat of a top 5 finish it’s highly likely that she’ll also be invited to join the Sugababes - and why not? Everyone else has had a go.
Push The Button predicts: With a good (and crucially) second-half performance… top 5.
PTB's 8 points go to…
Only Teardrops - Emmelie de Forest
Yeah, we miss the Corrs too, Emmelie. Is that Jim on drums?
What else can we say? Barring a disastrous performance, it’s going to win.
Push The Button predicts: Winner (though we suspect strong competition from San Marino)
PTB's 10 points go to…
I Feed You My Love - Margaret Berger
One for the gays. We played this at the last Push The Button and everyone spilt their vodka-cranberries as they jostled to emote along with Margaret. It’s a belter that’s part-Evanescence part-Annie. More of this please! Best up-tempo track of the competition. Rubbish video.
Push The Button prediction: Top 3, no question.
And DOUZE POINTS (that's 12, dummies) go from Vauxhall to…
Birds - Anouk
From the home of Heineken, Anouk is hoping to refresh the parts that other Dutch entries have failed to reach – the Netherlands haven’t made it out of the semi-finals since 2004. Ridiculous.
This melancholic ballad is possibly the most credible track competing this year, and has more than a touch of Lana Del Rey about it. If it were down to us the contest would be carried back to Amsterdam next week… but Eurovision can be a cruel mistress and dependant on the performance it could leave Europe either excited, baffled or falling asleep... much like *that* Lana Del Rey SNL stint.
Push The Button predicts: It’ll either click with the audience, or it won’t. Top half of the table... edging at the top 10.
(Oh, our other points? 5 SAN MARINO (a complete turnaround from its entry in 2012); 4 UKRAINE (they always deliver); 3 ROMANIA (ridiculous); 2 MALTA (cute); 1 SWEDEN (not the most deserving Melodifestivalen entry this year).
Push The Button is a monthly club night in South London dedicated to pop fandom. Read GT's special Eurovision special, featuring Bonnie Tyler, Sandie Shaw and Graham Norton in all good newsagents and on your iPhone and iPad.