Dylan Jones

High heels and hardcore homoerotic dancers

Dance diva Rebeka Brown

Brazilian dance diva Rebeka Brown has lots of frizzy brown hair, wears leather-studded jackets with big shoulder pads, and seems to enjoy riding male dancers who wear eyeliner. Not to be confused with Rebekah Brooks, who has lots of frizzy auburn hair, wears blue polyblend jackets with big shoulder pads, and seems to enjoy riding ex-police horses. Which is a shame really, because it’d be great if Rebekah Brooks brought out a single. We’re thinking a cover of Telephone. Country house environs, Brooks in a mantle, and Aryan butler backing dancers.

Anyway we were introduced to Rebeka Brown by a Brazilian friend who has a fondness for the infamous rugby socks/high-tops combo and says “darling” a lot. Most significantly, we googled her and found – absolutely nothing. Maybe she was forced into hiding after inadvertently poisoning the last remaining populous of the endangered Amazon river dolphin, whilst chlorinating a small tributary during the manufacturing process of a log flume for her back garden. Or maybe she just stopped making music.

Either way, her video entails chrome, leather, hardcore homoerotic backup dancing, heels, and “casting sessions” à la every seedy website you’ve opened in a new tab over your lunch break. So obviously we love her.

Download the sound of Mary Wollstonecraft and Bob Fosse turning in their graves.

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