Dylan Jones

A new Swedish popstar

We were all over it faster than Madonna can say “reductive”.

Three things we know about Jonas Oakland 14 seconds into his latest music video;

- He’s possibly a natural blonde

- He likes startlingly geometric, slightly flimsy-looking jewellery

- He’s dancing between a muscular man and someone who looks like a cross between UK 2005 Eurovision entry Javine, and the girl we took it in turns with to feed the sea monkeys at school.

Actually we can imagine them all being a lot of fun on a night out. The girl (we want her to be called Ellie) would toss her hair and say she loved gay clubs because they played loads of Rihanna, the boy would wordlessly gyrate with someone under the age of 25, and Jonas
would pout in a corner with a lemonade.

Anyway as everyone knows, a bit of low-budget, anthemic Northern European pop and we’re anybody’s. So when we heard Swedish pop starlet Jonas Oakland was releasing a gay, minimalistically white hued music video, we were all over it faster than Madonna can say “reductive”. Well actually to be honest it took us a month. And five days.

NB: One of three people to comment on the Youtube page claim that the male dancer is their uncle! We didn’t really imagine him to have family members, more that he’d sort of just hatched out of an egg which inexplicably pulsated into being in a dusty corner of Vauxhall tube station one blustery Sunday morning.

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