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Jack Cullen


The Canyons Teaser Trailer!

A teaser trailer for Lindsay Lohan's new flick The Canyons, written by Bret Easton Ellis and starring porn star "James Deen", was released onto YouTube last night...


And it looks on track to be a modern classic. Fans of the much celebrated gay author have been waiting with baited dicks to see straight porn star James Deen star alongside Lindsay Lohan in this new project The Canyons. Bret Easton Ellis has apparently been a fan of the well-endowed porn star for sometime now and couldn't wait to catapult him and his package onto the big screen. 

Directed by Martin Scorcese's secret weapon the notorious screenwriter Paul Schrader, this mock low-budget sexual thriller also features gay film-maker legend Gus Van Sant, this time taking an acting role as "Dr. Campbell" :




Opening with police sirens then a cheesy funk soundtrack (by Brendan Canning who did the music for Scott Pilgrim) The Canyons teaser falls somewhere between Hammer Horror and a B52s music video. The movie comes from the team who made the sensational film-adaptation of Bret's bestseller American Psycho starring Christian Bale and Chloe Sevigny. But the titles in this new trailer are more Psycho Beach Party than American Psycho boasting tongue-in-cheek strap-lines such like "Sex is as cheap as the budget", "She's as sweet as sin" and "The only way out is death!"

Bret Easton Ellis is known for his controversial opinions, his judgemental tweets often rile the palatial and pink editorial agenda of Perez Hilton. Last year the Rules of Attraction author caused a storm when he accused kids TV show Glee of looking like "a puddle of HIV". It may come as a surprise therefore to see Nolan Gerard Funk (who played Hunter in Glee) taking a central role too in this new film.

For a long time Bret Easton Ellis has cited The Hills as his favourite TV programme because it strikes a powerful balance between reality, fiction and hyper-reality while showcasing the gloss and stupidity of Los Angeles. With The Canyons (note a crafty geological and no doubt metaphorical inversion of hills) it is believed that the author wants to show the sheer desperation and seediness of screen survival and the quest for stardom across the pond, while still indulging a little in the envy-culture and glamour of it.

Lindsay Lohan is the perfect choice for this project. Having been kicked around by the media since her teens Li-Lo has invaluable experience of living and struggling on the paparazzi's chopping board. Hopefully The Canyons will provide the comeback Lindsay has been looking for and we'll all have the chance to bask once more in her talents. Will she exhibit the charm and spark that we fell in love with when she played Cady Heron in Tina Fey's teen classic Mean Girls, or will she use The Canyons as a vehicle to establish herself among the more sincere red carpet statuettes of Hollywood?

Those who are unfamiliar with Bret Easton Ellis should definitely invest in a copy of his incredible debut Less Than Zero (1985) and its more recent disturbing sequel Imperial Bedrooms (2010). The author defined a generation of writers dubbed by the press unhelpfully as "Generation X". Writers who documented wealth fantasy, careless sex, the glamorisation of drugs, the vapid meaninglessness of the American dream and the hungry whirlpool of depression that waits sucking hard beneath each and every rich kid. 

Bret Easton Ellis enjoys global and mainstream success, but for the gay community he is a fearless examiner, a whistle-blower of disillusion, a savagely honest commentator on the back-stabbing darkness of the closet and generally speaking a neatly-wrapped pervert. In short, a big deal.

In many ways he has always been more of a film-maker at heart than a novelist, his personal interests have always resided within the celluloid rather than the cellulose. We cannot wait for The Canyons.

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