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Dylan Jones


He Likes Boys

The long-suffering Simone Battle


You know what, we feel sorry for Simone Battle. Firstly, her name makes her sound like a character off Pokemon ("You have been challenged by Gym Leader Simone Battle! Simone Battle sent out Squirtle!"). Secondly, she's on the US X Factor, which no-one watches. Thirdly, she looks and sounds like a cross between Jordin Sparks and Nicole Scherzinger, which can't be good (actually that reminds us, last night when we were buying our bi-nightly 2am egg sandwich, the middle aged overweight proprietor of the North London cornershop was following us around quietly and, we thought, threateningly, humming Poison).

Anyway FOURTHLY, it seems like her life and now music career is made up of a slew of failed relationships with gay men. He Likes Boys includes the lyrics "I can't believe it's happened again". There are lots of shots of gay men smirking and her looking pissed off and blowing her fringe out of her eyes.



Our favourite bit though is when she rhymes "I can't take this kind of rejection" with "my gaydar needs some inspection". Oh Simone. She's very sweet actually. We hope she finds love soon, maybe with Frankie Cocozza or a Jonas Brother.

*update* We also like the Clueless homage. If you didn't get it, you should do some gay homework.


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