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Dylan Jones


I Want It

A while ago Chanelle Hayes decided she wanted more from life than doing interviews with newspapers that said things like “goss” instead of “gossip”


Does anyone remember that girl on Big Brother who cried all the time then got kicked out and plastered all over top shelf magazines and page 3’s for the nation’s pasty-eating construction workers to salivate over? Actually sorry that’s too vague, that could be any of them, male or female. We’re going to have to name names. A while ago Chanelle Hayes decided she wanted more from life than doing interviews with newspapers that said things like “goss” instead of “gossip” and took it upon herself to do her bit for music, entertainment and the arts in the form of that most original fare of z-listers, releasing a single.



In I Want It, she walks around a farm of some sort (or a car park off the M4, we’re not quite sure), wearing black lacy things and bending over in front of mediocre looking men. There’s a particularly classy few seconds where she gives a lap dance to a water butt and her cardy almost falls off. The whole thing resembles a low-budget and very uncomfortable soft porn movie and throughout proceedings Chanelle looks like she just wants to get it over with then go “down t’pub” for a white wine spritzer. No actually, a WKD blue. Our favourite bit is around halfway through when she looks lasciviously into the camera and says “I know you want me” but her Northern accent slips out so she sounds a bit like Alan Titchmarsh.

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