Dylan Jones

Britain’s latest pop sensation

Cheryl Aster

Over the decades, Britain has made some of the most valuable contributions to pop music the world has ever seen – The Beatles, Elton John, Boy George, Amy Winehouse. S Club Juniors. Scooch. Now this Anglican assembly plant has churned out its latest genius creation; Cheryl Aster.

She wears fake nails and lip gloss and skips around farms. At first appearances, the music video for You Can Do It, might seem to the untrained eye, a little like it belongs on one of those DVD compilations in the bargain bin of Poundland, with cover art printed off from a 1995 inkjet printer and cut to size to fit over the case.

Some would-be aural critics may, by some bizarre chance, hark at Cheryl’s angelic, but also drippingly rich tonality and hear nothing but a weak warble accompanied by a slight rasp caused by a few too many Lucky Strikes. But we know better. Jessie J can stop doing it like a dude. Adele can shut up (we’ve been wanting to say that for a while actually) and Arcade Fire can hop back on their fixie bikes. Because we know who’s really on the cards.

When Cheryl Aster cleans up at next years Brits, finds incalculable success on both sides of the Atlantic, and goes down as the darling of British
pop for decades to come, you can tell everyone you saw it here first.

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