Jamie Tabberer

The BRIT Awards 2011

The highs, lows and middle bits

While the crème de la crème of British celebrity and media (and all of, ooh, three American artists) were being chauffeured to London's O2 to walk the red carpet for last night's BRIT Awards...well, GT was stuck on the London Underground (FUCK YOU TFL) having a bit of a Cinderella moment. But we did make it to the ball on time - just. And what a ball it was. The rebrand and move to the O2 was a success, wasn't it? Although if this is meant to mark a new era, getting someone to present it who's presented it before was a bit of an oversight. It was interesting to see how tightly structured and produced a show like the BRITs is - Tinie Tempah taking 10 seconds too long to walk to the stage, Jessie J's acceptance speech running on and on (and on) - it all seemed to illicit a feeling of panic that spread through everyone (aside from the music biz people sat on the tables, most of whom probably forgot their own names last night). We paced ourselves with the drink mind you - it's not one big jolly, this journalism lark - so that we'd be poised and ready and sober enough to coherently recount our highs, lows and middle bits of a truly alien experience.


Robbie Williams kissing Mark Owen on the cheek during Take That's acceptance speech for Best British Band. Super cute and mildly arousing.

Woman of the moment Adele's glittering rendition of Somebody Like You was exquisite, note perfect and probably the highlight of the evening. If the song isn't number one on Sunday we'll eat the cheap random sailor's hat we blagged at the aftershow party. (They were also giving away Prince Harry masks...) That said, if you were struck with a strong case of déjà vu throughout it, you're not alone. She was on Jools Holland last month, and the two performances were near identical, which strikes us as a tad complacent...LOVE HER ANYWAY

The very sweet and lovely (now he's older and wiser) Boy George presenting Laura 'deer-in-headlights' Marling with the award for Best British Female (take THAT Cheryl Cole). Fitting, as during a chat with last week The Boy said that the folk starlet's track Rambling Man features highly on his Spotify playlist at the moment..

Rihanna showing up despite illness and jet lag (she hopped and skipped her way over the Atlantic from the Grammys) has to qualify as a high, and we enjoyed her little greatest hits medley (though why a non-British artist deserved that kind of exposure over Adele is beyond us). Mildly refreshing to see her not act like a COMPLETE slut for once, what with all the kids watching, and what with the probably completely orchestrated S&M/Radio One/dirty lyrics debacle, the coverage from which might just mean she pips Adele to the post this Sunday in the singles chart. Half the newspapers are still describing the set as the sexiest of the night, which we suppose is accurate, as Take That are getting on and she got her legs out ("She's got proper thighs, and I like that!" said the middle aged Sheila's Wheels type who trod on our deck shoes on the way out). Vocals weren't perfect though were they? Oh no. And she looked a bit hot by that fire beneath that wig (we assume it was a wig). We know someone who knows someone who met Rihanna at Heathrow airport once and said to her "Your hair is nuts." Rihanna replied *puts on nonchalant Barbadian accent* "Thanks." FACT.


Fearne Cotton cooing at Biebs. *vomits*

Cheryl Cole calling Rihanna her 'girl crush'. Well, how else is a bland, awardless woman in a shit dress going to win back some headlines from the flame haired sex goddess without some Katy Perry-esque pseudo-lesbian flirtation?

James Corden's presenting. *Tumbleweed blows by* Less said about that the better. And what the hell was with the Mark Ronson digs? And on that note, what the hell was with Mark Ronson's hair?

Anyone else notice how many empty seats there were in the arena? Very strange.

Cee Lo's climactic performance was going just fine, until Paloma Faith emerged. With her red hair and in that tight fitting Jessica Rabbit dress she could have been mistaken for Rihanna - in fact I'd argue there was an audible sigh of disappointment when the crowd clocked that it wasn't. Don't get us wrong; we have a soft spot for Paloma, she's a doll. But the duet seemed a bit second rate. Surely they missed a trick not getting Gwenyth Paltrow on board?

Middle bits

Will Young and Avril Lavigne - two wonderful halves that make a rather awkward whole.

Plan B was great, although we THINK we spotted some of the prosthetics catching fire for a bit when that burning man stunt happened. Did they show that on the broadcast? We're guessing not.

Everyone boning over Arcade Fire. Really? REALLY? We liked it when they thanked Culture Club during their acceptance speech though.

To break the fourth wall and speak personally for a second - if that sounds pretentious, SUE ME - I was thrilled when Mumford & Sons won the award for (hang on, better make sure I say this right) MasterCard British Album of the Year. It WAS the best album of the year in my opinion, and GT's next cover star (you'll find out who it is tomorrow) agrees with me. The same middle aged women who complimented Rihanna's thighs said Take That were robbed before vehemently criticising the Sons performance. And you know, we're inclined to agree with her. Corden called their choice of performance (Timshel, the slowest, shortest and quietest song on the album) 'brave' - thanks for that James - we'd call it lazy. Acoustic in an arena is arguably nonsensical anyway - we could barely hear them and we were 50 feet away. When GT reviewed one of the band's gigs last year, we had the same problem. Nevertheless, the things we'd do to Winston Marshall, the cute bearded one in the cap...

Anyway, if you're not acquainted with them yet, you'd better hurry up. Congratulations, guys.

More from Jamie Tabberer
You must log in to add a comment. If you already have a GT account log in with your email address and password. If you’re a customer of Prowler Direct or Expectations you can log in with those details.
Article Comments