The things we put in our mouths for you lot…

Yes, we've been gobbling Santa’s helpers.

No, the OTHER ones. The reindeers, dears. All in the name of festive investigative journalism – and trying to be nice to the interns – we had some actual reindeer pie (and mash and gravy) biked over to GT Towers today.

Turns out that all the interns are vegetarian and don’t really get it when you force their face on the plate and say, in a Scottish accent, “d’you want more gravy Mo?”

That aside, three intrepid reporters (no strangers to putting strange things in their mouths, etc) rose to the challenge and here’s what they had to say:

“The meat tastes like liver and comes in surprisingly massive chunks, unlike pedigree chum. It's what i wanted for lunch yesterday but instead got a pie IN A METAL TRAY WITH MASH INSTEAD OF PASTRY. i.e. this one is a "proper" pie, well done, etc, etc.”

“It were good. Festive pies usually mince, but this one was a Prancer. Or Dancer. Maybe Blitzen. Was a bit like lamb with a kick. A big hoofed kick. Pretty much happy to eat any animal that is beloved by children.”

So there you have it. All we need now is some carol singers to pop round so we can chuck water out of the window and we’ll be right pleased with ourselves.

Please stop here Santa (so we can eat your reindeer). Oh, and Santa, for Christmas this year we’d like a large portion of mash. Just sayin’.

OR – dare we go there – just sleighin’.

No sorry. We’ll go now.

IMPORTANT PIE INFORMATION: The Rudolph Pie (no really, it’s called that ) is available from Battersea Pie Station from a mere £5. Battersea Pie Station is located in Covent Garden, London and Bluewater Shopping Centre in Kent. See IMPORTANT PIE INFORMATION ENDS.

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