Jamie Tabberer

Pop Maths #3

Rihanna + Cheryl Cole = ultimate frenemies/duet to potentially rival Bouncy and Gaga.

Love her or loathe her, the Cheryl Cole saga just got more fascinating. For, amidst a literal media circus of stories (with Simon Cowell posing as ringmaster; and malaria, Ashley Cole plus the Twitter universe as the lions Cheryl’s sought to tame) that we’ve neither the time nor the energy to summarise is the somewhat overlooked news that Cheryl’s got a duet with US superstar Rihanna in the pipeline.

"I couldn't believe it when I heard Rihanna wanted to work with me. When I found out she wanted to collaborate, I got goosebumps all over" Cheryl has enthused, according to “We're definitely doing something together next year."

"I love that she's into tattoos,” added the most well connected woman in pop. “She's got one on her collar bone saying, 'Never a failure, always a lesson' – that's beautiful."

Three words, Cheryl… well, actually nine: “I love your bracelet, where did you get it?” That’s a Mean Girls reference by the way. Sue me.

Meanwhile, Rihanna’s been returning the bottomless compliments, calling Cheryl: “The most beautiful woman I have ever seen," Contactmusic reports.

Nah, we jest. We’re sure both girls are good friends and whatever they release together will be banging.

Just a bit suspicious that they’re competing for the number one spot in the singles charts this week, Cheryl with Promise This and Rihanna with Only Girl (in the World). Whoever wins, that’ll surely makes things awkward in the recording studio, right? “OH CONGRATULATIONS!” “Yeah, don’t push it.” That’s an Ab Fab reference by the way. Sue me.

Cheryl currently rides high on the iTunes singles charts with Rihanna hot on her heels, but there’s the rest of the week to go.

In other news, the annual X Factor charity single of which there will be no escaping for the rest of the year has been revealed as a cover of David Bowie’s ‘Heroes’ (*tumbleweed blows by* let’s call it the Rage Against the Machine effect. Wonder where the profits of the original will go when it inevitably sees its own renaissance in sales in the coming weeks?) and is out on 7 November.

If she gets the number one, Cheryl had better get her thinking cap on sharpish – if, like when she and Girls Aloud were dethroned from the top spot by Cheryl's little protégés almost precisely 24 months ago, she accepts defeat by grinning: “I don't mind being knocked off number one - for this cause only!” we’ll tear our own hair out. That was vomit-inducing enough once, Cheryl, so please, not again.

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