The Popemobile has a full tank, the Pontiff is on his way and the official online store for his visit is open, accepting Visa, Visa Electron, Mastercard, Maestro and Solo.
This t-shirt from the shop sums up Benedict XVI perfectly. And I don’t just mean tacky. It shows a man with two ugly faces and his back turned – just what you need when you want to moralise on the way gay people live their lives and yet not tackle child abuse in the Catholic Church.
But I am strangely heartened by the reaction to his visit. Unlike the jubilation that met his equally horrific predecessor when he came here in the 80s, it’s clear that this Pope is going to get a much cooler, and hopefully even hostile, reception from Britain.
It shows how much we’ve grown up as a nation that most of us don’t agree with the condom-condemning, abortion-opposing old bastard. Us taxpayers are spending £12million on this whether we like it or not, so let’s make sure that point goes over loud and clear.
On the other hand, if anyone wants to buy me a gold Pope visit medallion, just £775, I won’t say no.