Incessant perving masquerading as art

Paul Richmond’s new painting collection

Neil Simpson

When a sample of artist Paul Richmond’s new painting collection, Cheesecake, oozed into the GT office we were utterly ecstatic. Well, everyone likes to get mail don’t they? Except junk mail. Unfortunately for us, Paul Richmond seems to rather enjoy junk mail, specifically if that involves sending it across the Atlantic. Maybe he just likes licking big stamps.

Paul’s inspiration comes from “hapless victims of comical wardrobe malfunctions in early pin-up art.” Cunning as a horny and possibly-slightly-brain-damaged fox, Mr Richmond noted that not enough men have been artistically represented in similarly precarious wardrobe situations and, thankfully, he has done something about it. Um, hooray. Well, not totally hooray because clearly the silly chap above has just ruined a perfectly good pair of jeans. Tut. Nice bum though.

Unfortunately it all goes a bit tits-up from here on in because Perez Hilton is involved; no one needs to see his junk in that trunk. If your central tastes system simply refuses to let you contemplate such atrocities, allow me to summarise: think rather drunk painter stumbling onto a Carry On film set and being commissioned immediately. Now replace the painter with a randy, optically-challenged 14-year-old gay boy, swap Barbara Windsor for a sweaty internet blogger and you’re there. Are you there? Bet you want to leave. Well you can’t, because Perez Hilton is ready for lunch and he’s going to eat you.

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