Darren Scott / Editor

The Sex Factor (ho!)

We’ve just been talking about boys with Sinitta. As you do.

You see, there’s some pretty fit blokes coming your way every Saturday night for the foreseeable future and she’s got her eye on them…

Yes it’s X Factor time again, which also means that it’s practically Christmas which means we get to be EVEN CAMPER.

We’re just back from The X Factor Press Launch 2009 (to give it its official title) and we think we’ve done ourselves a damage. There were tears and severe pain caused by laughing. The source of our amusement? Why someone else’s misery of course.

Now now, get down off your moral high horse. If these people put themselves out there – and in this series they are literally out there, as they audition not just in front of the four judges but a live audience of about 2,000 people (some of these people might have special needs, but we can’t swear to it) – then they’re asking for it frankly.

None more so than “Scotland’s biggest Girls Aloud fan”, Kyle and his rendition of Untouchable. We’re just saying is all. Tune in on Saturday, 7pm, ITV1 to see what almost made us do a little bit of wee (ie a lot).

Also FABULOUS is reading the lips of the judges as the acts “perform”. Cheryl and Dannii you little MINXES.

Joe, who’s 18 and from Manchester, is going to be a favourite as is Danyl, who’s 27 and a teacher. We think, as suspicions of being on the Dark Side go, he might swear his allegiance to the Emperor (Biggins, obv).

Also look out for The Dream Girls and The Stunners. If ever there was an example of setting yourself up for a fall by a choice of name… That said, the home-made “Stunners” t-shirt, as modeled by one of the girls’ mothers might have to be copied. You know, in an ironic-look-at-what-a-fool-you’ve-made-of-yourself-on-national-televison kinda way.

And oh GOD it’s on Saturday AND Sunday this year. Who’s getting the wine in?

(P.S. Sinitta. Tiny and amazing.)

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