Glam Slam UK 2009

A poetry bash specialising in the lascivious, outlandish and the downright dirty again comes to the Royal Vauxhall Tavern to shock, appall and amuse.

The event takes its sexualised credo from similar 'Vogue ball' -cum- 'poetry slam' nights hosted for over a decade in New York by the iconoclastic Emanuel Xavier.

Back in Blighty, Ernesto Sarezale takes over hosting duties. Ernesto, seemingly averse to the societal norm of going out of the house in at least some clothing (see flickr pics of him dancing around Gutterslut in briefs and a santa hat to confirm) has done his best to ensure that this year's competitors will have to abandon what shreds of dignity they had in order to win the cash prizes on offer. Last year bore witness to full-frontal nudity and ostentatiously false pubic hair. Any aspiring 'poets' must be prepared to do the same, and so the audience must prepare themselves for more 'penis-helicopter' heroics than at a rugby social.

The competition is split into two rounds, the preliminaries and the final. The categories for the first round are as follows:

1. DARK poem - sad poems, to be voiced by speakers looking like an emo on their deathbed.

2. GLAD poem - happy poems for those in dayglo attire

3. SHAG poem - lustful words in next-to-nothing

4. DRAG poem - Genderfluidity at a premium in this category

Let us take a moment to reflect on the poetry on offer, freed from the semantic cages that ensnare verse bound by traditional unities, unities that so bore the reader/listener into indifferent slumber.

Here, an extract from Susie Showers' winning entry 'Pubic Display' in the Lust category a year ago:

Pubes, fuzz, carpet, rug

Have a peer at your minge and give it a hug.

Or if you're feeling nasty, slap its mouth

Call it a bitch and lock it in the house.

Bad poetry, distastefully rendered, wonderful.

To participate, email the accommodating Ernesto at

More from