Blogs

Jack Cullen


Dr Christian Jessen unveils…

GT’s hot doctor in residence launches an online surgery.


Google self-diagnosis is the perfect way to ruin your day, yet it’s such an irresistible internet indulgence. As soon as I notice the slightest irregularity in the shower, for example a freckle that’s an incy-wincy bit larger than an other, or a muscle that feels a bit off-centre to one of its counterparts… I rush to the keypad and splatter an exaggerated health confession into the Google search bar.

The results are always, without fail, extreme. A white speck on a finger nail means a fatal calcium deficiency if you’re lucky, but Google’s more likely to come back at you with some bigger news… MRSA, Tuberculosis, Meningitis or a brain tumour.

Well we’re very pleased to announce, on behalf of our colleague Dr. Christian Jessen, that he has launched his own safe, reliable and responsive online surgery, handily called http://www.theonlinesurgery.co.uk

You lot will surely know Dr. C already from his resident pages in the magazine where he answers all of your sordid health interrogatives. In fact, Dr. C’s fame has spiralled upwards since his time with us. His Channel 4 show Supersize Vs Superskinny was hugely popular, while gay audiences riveted over his BAFTA-winning show Embarrassing Bodies. Remember the episode where he marched into the communal showers of Moseley Rugby Club and instantly began feeling mens testicles to check for lumps? Seriously compelling television.

Celebrity doctors are quite an inferior branch of the celebrity kingdom. They’ve yet to receive the nationwide affection that, say, gardeners or chefs have enjoyed over the years. You can just imagine the celebrity doctor Christmas bash can’t you… with Paul McKenna with his pinstriped suit in one corner, and the title-less Gillian McKeith crying into a bottle of Jim Bean with a KFC in the other. She’s an “internationally acclaimed holistic nutritionist” according to her own site.

Dr. Christian Jessen is an actual doctor however, and a very hot one at that. Graduating from UCL in 2000 and practicing on both Harley Street and Baker Street - We’d settle for no less at GT.

The Online Surgery has the authority to give out prescriptions, in partnership with ABC pharmacy. However, the health difficulties that Dr. C will be dealing with are limited to a specific range – chiefly hair loss, STI checks, smoking cessation and erection problems. So pretty much the four major corners of a gay man’s health plight.

Evidently there have been no problems in the erection of Dr. C’s volatile and venerable career and he will be appearing as always amongst the floss and gloss of our sizzling July issue. Good luck with the new surgery Christian!

More from Jack Cullen