Last Night's TV: Lily Allen & Friends
What's not to like about Lily Allen? Just her braindead new TV programme, sadly. BBC3 relaunched last week, and tried to stake a renewed claim to be Auntie's youth channel. The new line-up is led with a show revolving all around Lily Allen, everyone's favourite Two Tone Mockney modernist minx.
I love Lily. I think she's clever and funny and talented and beautiful and at least five other adjectives, as well. But what has BBC3 done to the poor girl? Desperate doesn't begin to describe this show which was as predictable as the speaking clock, and twice as patronising. Someone figured the kids don't watch much tv these days, because they're all out playing in the virtual world. So they crammed this show with stuff that you could just as easily watch online. Genius!
The audience was made up of some of Lily's MySpace "friends" whooping like baboons. We got to watch some YouTube hits - monkeys doing it, elephants doing it, and some dickheads miming along to Bohemian Rhapsody. Wow.
You could even send in video clips of questions to ask her guests. And what gripping questions. If they'd managed a live satellite link-up with Fidel Castro last night, I bet he'd have been asked; "Have you ever broken your hand when you're wanking?"
Lily's been none too well in the run-up to this show, of course. Which may mean she took her eye off the game. I hope she comes back on track, kicks up a fuss and kicks this sorry, shoddy excuse for a show into shape.
Virtual TV? Well, it was virtually impossible to watch.
Fascinating factoid: Lily Allen is Woody Allen's grandmother.