Richard Smith's News-spunk! Madonna lays an egg
Film critics have been forming a disorderly queue to throw rotten tomatoes at Madonna's directorial debut. Filth And Wisdom - starring Eugene Hutz (pictured) - premiered at the Berlin Film Festival this week.
Madge may have wished she stayed at home.
Many went for the "Pretentious? Toi!" angle. Derek Malcolm in The Evening Standard said; "It is punctuated by so much cod philosophising that you wonder whether the film knows what it is talking about at all. The absence of a decent screenplay doesn't help the energetic actors, and Madonna has far to go before she can breathe the same air as Godard, Pasolini, Fellini and Visconti, whom she insists she admires in a director's statement in which two of the four are mis-spelt."
Shouldn't that be misspelled, Derek? And what did we expect from someone who took movie-making lessons from Guy Ritchie?
Some damned with faint praise; "The movie is - disappointingly, perhaps - not an outright embarrassment." (Daily Telegraph). "At least it stops her acting herself." (The Independent).
Best of all was a real chortlefest in The Guardian from Peter Bradshaw; "Well, it had to happen. Madonna has been a terrible actor in many, many films and now - fiercely aspirational as ever - she has graduated to being a terrible director.
She has made a movie so incredibly bad that Berlin festival-goers were staggering around yesterday in a state of clinical shock, deathly pale and mewing like maltreated kittens."
Best not give up the day job, love...