Last Nights TV: Skins
How I learned to stop worrying about Skins and start perving…
My journey to work has been particularly enjoyable over the last few weeks. Where I change tubes at Euston, there’s a GI-BLOODY-NORMOUS poster advertising the second series of Skins. It shows Maxxie – the gay one – shirtless, sweating and having a good old dance. I often find myself praying the train will be late, so I can spend a few minutes longer having a good old perv.
I hated Skins at first – it often committed the cardinal cultural crime of trying too hard; “Look, here’s a load of crazy kids getting mashed on drugs and having house parties where they only play The Gossip. Woop woop!” I’m quite the convert now. It's a really well-crafted drama with wit, intelligence, pathos - and as youngsters say - "shit like that.'
Tony - played by the beyond gorgeous giant, Nicholas Hoult - is taking a bit of a back seat this time round. He’s gone “mental” after getting hit by a bus - do try and keep up. So episode one centred on blond bombshell Maxxie. It started unpromisingly. Maxxie – I think - was trying to express his pain at being a teenage gayer through the medium of modern dance. To ruddy Hip Hop, to boot. Cripes. Actually, I don’t know what I’m saying, I’d have been happy watching Maxxie dancing for the whole programme.
Max was having a bit of a Billy Elliot moment. His dad – played endearingly by bearded Bill Bailey with a comedy West Country accent - wanted him to come and join him working on his building site when he leaves college. Maxxie had his heart set on going to fancy London to train as a dancer. Dad eventually came round; “You’ve always been more artistic than me, lad.” Ahhh… Dad has dance talents of his own – he enters line dancing with dogs contests. I’m not making this up, by the way.
This being the modern world, Maxxie’s mates are all cool with him being queer. Even if Tony keeps teasing him with; “Are you trying to gay me up?” Tony proved such a good pal, he even gave Maxxie a blow-job in the last series. I keep thinking I must have dreamt that last bit, but it did happen, honest. Last night Maxxie got brilliantly lippy with the homophobic lads from the local “ASBO Army”, and - this being Skins – ended up getting off with one of them. There was also a rather touching street scene where he had to fend off the advances of a gang of lecherous 11 year-old Vicky Pollards. As Max strutted away, one drawled; “I’d so shag ‘im.”
Her friend points out; “You can’t shag ‘im. ‘E’s a 'o-mo-sex-u-al.”
PS Shameless was also on top form, even outgaying Skins. Gawky kid Ian starts seeing a fit-as fireman – see, you’re interested already, aren’t you? But this being Shameless [Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! If you ain’t seen it LOOK AWAY NOW!!!] they find out they’re brothers. You can’t beat a bit of boy-on-boy incest on the tellybox, now can you?