Travel Reports
Fort Lauderdale
It’s hard to think of a destination with more to offer than Fort Lauderdale. Particularly if you are over 30, professional and feel you’ve got little in common with the pill-popping, disco-crazed queens that descend en masse to tacky Mediterranean resorts every summer.
Once a notorious haunt for beer-swilling hordes of Spring Break college students. Fort Lauderdale has undergone a remarkable metamorphosis in recent years and now bears more resemblance to Monte Carlo or St Tropez. With over 300 miles of navigable inland waterways and a deep-water harbour to accommodate cruise ships, Fort Lauderdale is the undisputed yachting capital of America. The Intercoastal Waterway is best explored by water taxi
Perhaps the most stunning transformation (and it’s still going on) is the beachfront. Many of the low budget, low rise hotels have been torn down and replaced with impressive new ones – about 20 stories higher and confidently shimmering in the sunshine. Developers are making a killing here.
Never one to let a business opportunity go by, cotton-wool-haired tycoon Donald Trump has purchased some prime beachfront real estate downtown. Undoubtedly the bulldozers are revving their engines as we speak and plans for another glossy behemoth are underway.
It’s not easy to predict where all this is going to end. Unchecked, it may crowd out the unique gay guesthouse culture, which would be a crying shame given that the local gay population (the second largest in America after San Francisco) was instrumental in spearheading the embourgeoisissement of the town in the first place. None less so than British ex-pat, Richard Grey, proprietor of the award-winning Royal Palms Guesthouse and Gay Liaison Officer for the tourist board.
Richard took me out to dinner one evening to show me the brand spanking new Atlantic Hotel on the corner of Terramar and the beach. When I visited 2 years ago, this was just a muddy pit in the ground. It now stands as a shining testament of the boomtown it inhabits. It also has a fantastic restaurant, Trini, where we were served ridiculously camp lavender cocktails by a waiter with tight buns and even tighter trousers. The view of the beach was breathtaking, even if our pervy eyes were fixed elsewhere. My fish was melt-in-the-mouth gorgeous and the pistachio ice cream was (excuse my Michael Winner moment) historic.
The next night I found myself sans dinner date so I rather unadventurously went back. No-one batted an eyelid that I was eating alone although I did attract the unwelcome attentions of two middle-aged gold-diggers with fake boobs and Belinda Carlisle noses. They clearly thought I had money to burn and would be happy to fund their surgery habits. I decided to try out a gay restaurant the following night.
Hamburger Mary’s on Wilton Drive was a revelation. When someone told me there was a gay hamburger joint in town, I was cynically expecting a glorified McDonalds full of lardy queens. What I found was a classic American diner with super-friendly staff and a riotous atmosphere. Maybe something to do with the happy “hour” that lasts from 2pm-8pm on weeknights. Go in the evening and sit outside where you’ll dine under coloured lanterns surrounded by palm trees with fairy lights twinned around their trunks. You can also walk from here to Georgie’s Alibi Bar – a mainstay of the Fort Lauderdale scene with a varied age crowd, regular drinks promotions and comedy clips on screen.
If your tastes border on the more specialised, you might like to sample one of the leather or strip bars. So large is the scene here that there’s something for everyone. Hilarious duo Rick and Warren (owners of the New Zealand Guesthouse) took me to Copa Bar where we indulged in some all-afternoon intoxication. The Copa is the kind of bar you might find in Texas (dark, pool table, neon beer ads, full of swarthy types who look like they’ve got a Harley parked outside) - a bit of rough in other words. Go-go bar Dudes on Federal highway is also a scream at the end of an evening and one of the few bars where you can smoke inside.
Life isn’t too easy for smokers in this town, though. Most places have tables outside where you can indulge, but similarly, the urban planning in Fort Lauderdale is very much based on the assumption that everyone drives. The drive-in culture of the States results in the fact that very nearly everywhere boasts a car park and buildings are very spread out. They even have drive-in ATMs.
I don’t drive, so the Tourist Board kindly organised an excursion for me to see what’s on offer just out of town. First stop was Butterfly World in Coconut Creek. Set in 10 acres of botanical gardens and aviaries, Butterfly World is as much a tourist attraction as a scientific research centre. You enter through a creepily Silence of the Lambs-like laboratory (crammed with hundreds of jars of developing pupae) which then opens out into the main enclosure – a massive insectarium, alive with thousands of brightly-coloured butterflies fluttering through orchids, tropical shrubs and over gurgling waterfalls. No sentient being could fail to be enchanted by these creatures – some as big as your face and coloured iridescent cobalt.
My second destination was at least an hour’s drive further away from civilisation and deep into the Everglades for the Billie Swamp Safari. The safari is part of an eco-tour which is supposed to be focussed on preserving the Seminole Indian’s culture but is really more of a natural theme park for people to come and coo at the alligators. Still, it’s a great experience. The airboat ride whisks you off at high speed into the vast ancient swamp where it stops in a clearing for passengers to observe the wildlife. Alligator heads plop into the murky depths, cute raccoons scurry over fallen logs and white egrets sqwak in the gum trees. It feels a bit like Jurassic Park. There’s also a swamp buggy ride over land where you can view at close quarters the American Bison, Razorback Hogs, deer and cougars, if you’re lucky.
Next up we returned to the outskirts of Fort Lauderdale to experience Sawgrass mills shopping Mall. The centre (the largest in Florida) is a labyrinthine retail colossus complete with colour-coded zones, over 300 stores and denizens of shopped-out mall zombies ambling towards the Cheesecake Factory for a sugar rush to replenish their stamina to ‘shop on.’ This is a great place to zone out your credit cards since, as all Brits know, designer gear is a steal in the States. Hugo Boss and Calvin Klein are good value – particularly now that the pound is so strong against the US dollar.
Back in Fort Lauderdale, a bewildering array of attractions exists for those not keen on drinking or wildlife. In such a modern town, the anachronistic Bonnet House provides a curious glimpse of pre-urbanised life in Florida. Nestled among 35 acres of a pristine barrier island system, the house is a somewhat eerie time capsule whose wild grounds are hemmed in either side by modern America. When I eventually found the entrance, a spookily short woman escorted me to the rickety boathouse and recited a pre-rehersed script about its restoration as if it were as important as repainting the Sistine Chapel. She then stopped abruptly and instructed me to have a pleasant time. It felt for a fleeting moment like a Victoria Wood sketch but I took my cue and soldiered on through the jungle-like gardens and up to the house. The gardens are the best part of this with specimen plants, palm-lined turtle ponds, ornamental bridges and oolite pathways. You can view the art and sculpture collection inside the house if you’ve got an hour and a half to kill and don’t mind a guide whose incessant narration sounds like a car trying to start on a cold morning. Still, there are nuggets of interest here and some of the artwork is impressive. Bartlett’s wife was a significantly more talented painter, though he was probably more creative with the truth.
But you won’t have to be so discreet with your sexuality today. FL is as gay-friendly a city as you could ever hope to find. Nonetheless, I’d strongly recommend staying in one of the many gay guesthouses – not becaise you’ll encounter prejudice elsewhere, but because standards are unusually high and it’s a great way to make new friends. Typically, guesthouses are set around a pool with lush, tropical gardens and luxury amenities. Most are ‘clothing-optional’ in the pool area which means trunks off by the pool!
Although not widely known outside of America, FL has become the must-visit destination for gay men in their thirties, but whatever your age it provides an exceptionally wellcoming winter sun alternative and as the vehicles sped up and down the seafront while turquoise waters lapped onto white sand and palm trees swayed in the breeze, I mused that life was rather good here, after all.
American Airlines flies from Heathrow to Miami nine times a week and from Manchester to Miami from October-April. 020 7365 0777 / 0845 7789 789, www.americanairlines.co.uk
For information on gay guesthouses in Fort Lauderdale log on to the official tourist boiard web site www.sunny.org or call 0870 770 0710
Steven Roach
